Regarding gratitude...

A frequent frustration for Peace Corps volunteers here on the island is that Dominicans are usually not raised to say “thank you” in the same way that Americans are. We are taught from birth to say it on every imaginable occasion to everyone who does anything for us. This kind of persistent gratitude strikes a lot of Dominicans as very formal and overly polite. Especially in our rural communities, working with people who are not at all formal about anything, we don’t hear the word “gracias” (thank you) very often at all. This gets frustrating because we often exert considerable effort building stoves, starting libraries, teaching classes or whatever. We start to wonder if we are appreciated at all, because all we get in return is a grunt of approval, or more often a question as to why we didn’t do whatever we’ve just done in a slightly different way. This brings us to sometimes question why we are doing what we are doing, and sometimes even to become bitter. I have just recently learned, though, that Dominicans have their own way of saying thanks.

Kim finished her two years in her community last week (and has now moved to a site much closer to me). She’s spent the last 24 months shedding blood, sweat and tears to do all kinds of amazing things for this community. She’s taught health classes to women and children. She started gardens. She built stoves. She started the most beautiful community library I’ve ever seen. She worked extremely hard, often with little help, and seldom complained about anything (except for lamenting the fact that she couldn’t do more!).

We figured the community would have some kind of goodbye party for her, since we know that Dominicans of all ages love a good party. About a month ahead of time I was contacted by one of the youth she has worked a lot with, who told me that some of them were planning a surprise party for her. They wanted me to know so that I could help them cover it up. I did my best, but Kim ended up figuring it out because Dominicans are not very good at pretending nothing is up when something is up. The cover was that the youth wanted to have a meeting, to discuss the future of the work Kim had done. She got wise when all kinds of people (who had never been interested in meetings before) started asking her if she was going to the meeting, and then giggling like hyenas when she said yes.

So we knew there would be a party, but we figured it would just be a get together with maybe a dozen people, some cookies to eat, and some music to dance to. Boy, were we wrong. We showed up at the appointed time to find at least 60 adults and probably twice as many kids, all yelling “SORPRESA!!” and waiting to hug Kim to death. They had made banners, and covered the house with streamers.

Kim and I were seated at a table in front of everyone, with a massive cake in front of us. Then the program started. Speeches were made, praising Kim for all of the work she had done. The kid who had told me about the party sang a song about friendship. The women from her class sung a song they had WRITTEN themselves all about her work. There was even a verse about stoves! Then some teenagers performed a choreographed dance that was pretty cool. In fact, the audience loved it so much that they made them perform it twice!

And then (since we are still in the DR after all) the electricity went off so the party was plunged into darkness. Fortunately I (since I am still a PCV, after all) had a flashlight in my pocket. So the remaining speeches were made with me shining my flashlight on the speaker, so everyone could see. Then we ate delicious food, and danced and laughed the night away.

It is tradition at these things that the cake is not eaten. It is given to the person who is being celebrated (Kim) to take home, and share with who she likes. So I ended up walking home in the moonlight, carrying a giant chocolate cake. We had it for breakfast the next morning, and dinner that night, and several meals over the next few days. We also shared it with all the last minute visitors who were dropping by.

I don’t think Kim’s eyes were dry from the moment we heard the shout of “SORPRESA!!” I think she realized that despite all the stress, doubt and frustration she had felt over the last two years that these folks really did love and appreciate her deeply. They just saved up the gratitude to pour it out all at once. Leaving was very hard, but we can’t wait to see what kind of party they put on when we come back to visit!